he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
