eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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