we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
