We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize