you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
