Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock