you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.