I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants