Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
