Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress