I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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