Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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