Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think people are normalizing furries
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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