Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor