operation have a gay friend backfired
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"