It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
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i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
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Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!