thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
