How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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