pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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