Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
