Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
