I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
