I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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