I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
