the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
