who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am mentally ready for anal.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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