It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
