theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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