Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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