Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
