By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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