just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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