I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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