I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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