im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
