im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
