I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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