and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
