Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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