I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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