I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
