You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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