Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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