dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
