dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
