Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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