i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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