To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
