4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
