I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's blow job season.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
