May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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