Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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