Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
