My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
