I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
