fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
