how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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