you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize