I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
