Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
