Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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