Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
