wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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