You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
