singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
