Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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