Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
