Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
operation harelip BJ is a go
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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