Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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