So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I deserve this hangover.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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