I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
