It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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