bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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