Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Your dad touched me again.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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