I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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