I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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