naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
