It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize